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Laura Carbonell

is a suicide attempt survivor.

this is her story

"I survived a suicide attempt."

Laura Carbonell is a 47-year-old writer and Spanish teacher in San Francisco. Here, we talk about how she deals with suicidal thoughts.

Laura: Writing about these things, setting them on paper, I think, is good. And helping people who feel the same.

Des: Yeah, the only downside is that people start to think, “Oh, you’re–”

Laura:  Weird. […] People are afraid of dark.

Des:  Well, [I’m] talking to people who have been there and then come back, so I don’t think that’s very dark.

There’s the good thing about it. We survived it and now, how can we deal with it? Every day, find a passion.

Laura:  Exactly. There’s the good thing about it. We survived it and now, how can we deal with it? Every day, find a passion. My thing is, you have to find a passion, a way to express…because the pain of life. There’s this pain.

I think it’s more, there’s existential void, but it’s like constant. When I was 5, I was already thinking,what the fuck? I didn’t talk to other kids because I was already thinking, what am I doing here? And if I talked to other kids, they were not gonna understand me at 5. I remember that. I don’t remember more than that before that, but I’ve always lived with the existential void.

Once a year I read this book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” about this guy in the concentration camp and how they made it through. Every day they found a little something to survive the day, even if it was to get the bread from the guy who’s actually dying, but that kept them going for 24 hours.

And surrounding yourself with people who don’t care how you are or what you are.

…And surrounding yourself with people who don’t care how you are or what you are.

Des:  Yeah, it’s important.

Laura:  That helps me. And laugh a lot. I laugh a lot.

Want to support us?

Live Through This is made possible in part by donations from incredible humans like you. If the project moves you and you have even a single dollar to spare, please consider donating. Every dollar donated goes straight back into the project. These funds allow for gear, web real estate and hosting, travel associated with the project, professional fees, conference attendance, and more.

For more ways to support us, be sure to check out our merchandise, join in on the #STAY campaign by sharing a picture of you and your Live Through This gear, and subscribe to our mailing list!

Want to tell your story for the Live Through This project? Click "Your Story" below.

Want to support us?

Live Through This is made possible in part by donations from incredible humans like you. If the project moves you and you have even a single dollar to spare, please consider donating. Every dollar donated goes straight back into the project. These funds allow for gear, web real estate and hosting, travel associated with the project, professional fees, conference attendance, and more.

For more ways to support us, be sure to check out our merchandise, join in on the #STAY campaign by sharing a picture of you and your Live Through This gear, and subscribe to our mailing list!

Want to tell your story for the Live Through This project? Click "Your Story" below.

About Live Through This

Live Through This is a series of portraits and true stories of suicide attempt survivors. Its mission is to change public attitudes about suicide for the better; to reduce prejudice and discrimination against attempt survivors; to provide comfort to those experiencing suicidality by letting them know that they’re not alone and tomorrow is possible; to give insight to those who have trouble understanding suicidality, and catharsis to those who have lost a loved one; and to be used as a teaching tool for clinicians in training, or anyone else who might benefit from a deeper understanding of first-person experiences with suicide.

More Information

Tax-deductible donations are made possible by Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization, which sponsors Live Through This. Contributions for the charitable purposes of Live Through This must be made payable to Fractured Atlas only and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.

Please Stay

If you’re hurting, afraid, or need someone to talk to, please reach out to one of the resources below. Someone will reach back. You are so deeply valued, so incomprehensibly loved—even when you can’t feel it—and you are worth your life.

Find Help

You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, the Veterans Crisis Line at 800-273-8255 and pressing Option 1, the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada), or The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386.

If you don’t like talking on the phone, you can reach the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741-741, or check out the Lifeline Crisis Chat. If you’d like to talk to a peer, warmline.org contains links to warmlines in every state. If you’re not in the U.S., click here for a link to crisis centers around the world.

Live Through This is dedicated to the lives of so many friends and family members lost to suicide over the years. If you would like to add the name of a loved one to this list, please email me.

Live Through This is dedicated to the lives of so many friends and family members lost to suicide over the years. If you would like to add the name of a loved one to this list, please email me.